Thankfully, there are other cities in the world catering to my free food needs. First up, the Miller Brewery tour in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, which was hilarious. I know, Wisconsin is such a random state to visit - why would anyone go there, frankly, unless you have family there? Which I don't. To this day I cannot tell you how I ended up there. Anyhow, they opened by herding us into a theatre to watch a short film on the glorious history of the Miller Brewing Company. We were then met by our tour guide, a young woman probably in her early twenties who said, in a voice completely devoid of intonation, much like in Napolean Dynamite, "That was great. Wasn't that great?" With this contagious display of enthusiasm, she led us off to the distribution centre:
 |
| This is...self-explanatory. It's labelled on top, you see. |
The guide ended the tour with, "I don't have a watch. Does anyone have the time?" to which two guys yelled, "It's Miller time!!" Which was....the answer she was looking for. "That's right," the guide said, listlessly, and led us off to the beer garden, where we could have three good-sized samples of whatever beer we liked, plus pretzels, and postcards we could send anywhere in the world, for free.
About an hour away from Milwaukee is Pleasant Prairie, Wisconsin, home of the free Jelly Belly factory tour.
Unfortunately, this is just the distribution centre - the actual jelly beans are fabricated elsewhere - but you get on this little train and they take you around the warehouse, watching videos of how Jelly Bellys are made:
 |
| It's rather frightening, actually. |
I had no idea that it takes a good week to make those jelly beans - no wonder they're so expensive - because they generally have to sit and dry for several days between steps. And, apparently, Butter Popcorn is the most popular Jelly Belly flavour. Really? Because...ew.
They took us to see some dancing animatronic jelly beans, which were every bit as terrifying as you'd think, and some jelly bean art:
 |
| I....there are no words. |
The tour ended with a bag of Jelly Bellys each, and we were set free in the store, where the highlight was the tasting bar, which was manned by a guy stingily doling out a couple jelly beans of whatever flavour you wanted. This is likely because, unchecked, people would just dump the whole box straight down their throat. Just me?
And now, for the crown jewel of free food tours: the Cailler chocolate factory in Broc, Switzerland. As someone who went to the Hershey factory multiple times as an adult, the chocolate coming from most of the world cannot compare to the chocolate of the efficient, precise, xenophobic Swiss. It was a self-guided tour, culminating in the most glorious sight I have ever seen:
An all you can eat, chocolate tasting bar. And once I had inhaled a whole tray, they immediately brought out more. If I had died the next day, I would have led a full life.
The transcendence of Swiss chocolate was more than enough to supercede the unfriendliness of the people. They weren't particularly warm, but they weren't awful either; even this one guy who served us at the sandwich counter at a train station in Zurich, whom my sister and I dubbed "Angry Sandwich Man", or ASM for short, because, well, the exchange went something like this:
Me: (pointing at the sandwich labelled "Schicken") What kind of sandwich is this?
ASM: Sandwich!
Me: Yes, but what kind?
ASM: Schicken! (and I swear, the meat did not look like chicken, otherwise I wouldn't be asking)
Me: What is Schicken?
ASM: SANDWICH!!!!!
Me: (whimpers) OK, I'll take it.
Jon and I are hitting up some burger places on Monday, and I'll try to get the posts up before I go out of town on Friday.
No comments:
Post a Comment